love, the olives: a holy moley kind of month

Do you experience this?

Praying and hoping and hustling for a season of life, and feeling like, "What is happening?" "What am I doing?" Ahhhhhhh! Over and over again? The past few weeks I've found myself thinking, am I really about to do this? Am I really going to push myself so beyond anything I've ever done before, to see if maybe, just maybe things will be different this time. Maybe this thing I've wanted for years but have never done will work out and I'll be closer to living my best life if I try this one thing? Maybe...

He're the thing - "maybe" is an unpredictable kind of word. It's a high risk, heart break probable vulnerability that once you act on, you really don't know what you're in for. It could be great - making the move to another country, asking your boss for that promotion, investing in friendships, running a marathon, trying a new hobby, starting the new job or business, saying no to the things you don't want to do but your family expects you to do.

Maybe! Maybe those decisions turn out to be amazing and you get the promotion, have a new awesome friend, or start your dream job beaming because you took the risk and did it! But maybe things fall apart. You dislike the new city your in, get a hard "no" for the raise you wanted, or get rejected by loved ones for making choices they never would. Being brave in decision making is a hard, hard thing to do because the desired results are not guaranteed no matter how brave you are. But let me tell you, whether you get rejection or praise - the fact that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and courageous for yourself will lead you to grow in areas you never thought you could. I know this is true, because in the past two months its been happening to me.

My girl Brené Brown says it best: "You cant get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability."

So go and rumble! Whether that means looking at your life and really seeing the areas you need to change and grow. Or doing the thing you know you've wanted to do or try all these years! You know what they are; the good things that have been on your mind but you've ignored because, life. Friend, You may have to say "no" to some things to say "yes" to the good stuff. It's your life! You decide what's worth it.

I know that some of my Christian friends feel repulsed by this. In the past, I may have been too. You may be thinking, "My life is not my own, to You I belong. I give myself, I give myself to You." (If you know you know) Let me offer this thought: Jesus came to free us of our guilt and shame! Not only that, He tells us that the greatest commandment is to love Him with everything we have, and equally love our neighbor we love our self. I believe that part of loving yourself is working towards meeting to your needs (love, food, community, health etc) and pursuing your God given dreams in the short life you've been given. You were born with gifts and talents, and pursuing them is not a self indulgent mischievous act, it's part of the unique plan that God has created you to live out! We are free in Jesus name, and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! Yes, our faith and hope is in Him, but we cant stop there. Faith and works go together.

So stop condemning yourself for making yourself a priority. Stop shaming yourself for wanting to pursue the desires of your heart because no one around you is doing anything similar. Jesus does not condemn you, and neither do I. And you know what, doing what you need to do for yourself not only affects you in a positive way, it affects those around you and serves them in ways you cant even image. I never understood the Gospel so clear until now; I never understood it so fully until I started loving myself practically, every single day. That is when I truly learned that I am worthy of love.

It will be hard and you will have to sacrifice. But, it will be worth it. You'll never know where your decision to act may lead until you try. In the past few weeks we've seen the fruition of so many months and years worth of prayer, seeking and risk taking. It's taken years for some of these things to happen, but they are happening at the right time because I believe that like Ecclesiastes 3 says, there is a time for everything.

Here are some photos from the past few weeks - weeks of grace and blessing and risking and sacrificing - I never want to forget. Thank you Lord <3