Starting off the semester I already knew November would be my busiest month because all my major projects and assignments are due within these 4 weeks. & it sure has been busy, but not just school-wise. It's been heavy physically & emotionally too. My heart feels heavy.
When God brings up things in your life you don't want to deal with, it hurts. Especially deep wounds you try to avoid dealing with, or never thought were present until they come up; they hurt. But I am so thankful because for years I felt stuck. For years I felt numb. But this year has been so different! This year I see God moving in my life and specifically in my pain, leading me towards healing and repentance. Leading me towards wholeness and an integration of my feelings, my mind, and my body. Total and complete healing. I believe this is only the beginning of this process but I pray I will be open to the lessons God is teaching me. To be willing to listen and obey. To be willing to grow, even though it hurts sometimes. It hurts a lot sometimes.
& this is where I'm at. I will honor it & not push it aside, or hide it like it's so easy to do. When people ask me how I am I want to be honest & truthful in my words when I speak, and here I want to be truthful when I write. Because having a deep sense of hope in the midst of pain in a beautiful thing. & I believe it's a testimony to how glorious & wonderful & good our God is.
I love the song, "The Best Part" by Gungor from his newest album. It speaks to me in a couple different ways but one is that where I am right now, "lying awake in the dark" as I have done for many nights, is the best part of my life. What God is doing right here, right now; that He is present in my life right now - that's the best part. I am thankful for my life and what God is doing today because life is here now and gone tomorrow. It's swift & fleeting. But here in the beat of my heart, while it beats, I believe Jesus is with me and I am where He wants me to be.
This is the best part.
That Jesus is here now. With you, right now. In the joyous, painful, or numb days.
Will you ask Him to draw near to you, even if you don't feel it?
Lord, please don't go.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Psalm 139:7-12
Beautiful & Honest! That's you!
ReplyDeletePraying daily for you <3